Giant Rainbow Pecker Candle

So, you know the phrase “watching paint dry,” used to describe something that’s super boring to watch? The other day we were sitting around the office (not that we were watching paint dry, not at work, of course not) and wondering, what would be the opposite of watching paint dry? Watching a high-speed car chase? An action movie? A mixed martial arts fight between all of Lady Gaga’s backup dancers? Nope. Not even close.

The correct answer is: watching a 7” tall rainbow penis slowly burn to the ground. If you’ve ever done it, you know exactly what we’re talking about. And if you haven’t, girl, you’ve got to try it. Yes, it happens slowly, so you might think that could be pretty boring at times. But you’d be surprised how many interesting transformations it goes through as it burns. And besides, there’s something so viscerally satisfying about watching a penis on fire. Plus, with its rainbow of colors it’s much prettier - both burnt and unburnt - than a real penis, and it smells a whole heck of a lot better, too!

One candle, which measures 7” tall and 3” wide at its widest point.